On September 4, 2008, my book September Songs: The Good News About Marriage in the Later Years - will be published by Riverhead/Penguin Press. This book was inspired by the fact that my first book on marriage - Intimate Partners - ended with a couple in their late 40s, and I got a lot of flak about that. People wrote to me, and said, "Hey, what about us? Marriage doesn't end in the 40s! How about partners who are in their fifties, sixties, and older?"
September Songs is meant to redress this failing. I must say that working on this book came as a surprise to me! For one thing, I found that older couples were more contented and had more of a sense of well-being than did partners in earlier phases of the marital cycle. The biggest surprise, though, came from the realization that many of the couples I was talking to wouldn't even have been alive if they'd been born at the beginning of the last century. In 1900, average life expectancy was under 50 years. In 2008, it's 77.6; in other words, couples are now living together, post child rearing, some 2 to 3 decades.
What is life like for these mates in their later adult years? What do they believe was the smartest thing and the dumbest thing they ever did in their lives? What are the sexual issues that older couples face? How have their arguments changed over time? What is life like for long-married pairs when the years that have gone by are far greater in number than the years that they have left to live? This is (part of) what September Songs is about.
Dear Maggie
Congratulations on the new book, lovely official site and the new blog! best regards Gil
Enjoyed your interview/insights on Wisconsin Public Radio and hope to read your book. I am the one who called in asking about second marriages. This book gives me hope for the future.!Thanks for your work.
Thanks for writing, Kay. I enjoyed our conversation.
Dear Maggie Scarf:
Sunday my wife told me that the Times had a book review about the loveliness of older marriages. I
gave a whoop, because I had never seen the like, but
the two of us, now 80, have been marveling at this phenomenon ever since retirement 14 years ago. So
I raced to read it and there was the name Maggie Scarf, highly familiar to me but I could not figure out why. I knew that somewhere in my long life I had heard great praises about some owner of that name, but I could not fathom when or where, or what it was that she was doing so well.
Then I finally remembered it was in my CASBS period, and from there I could almost hear Bob Scott sing your praises frequently. And a quick scan of old annual reports showed you there twice,although never when I was either Fellow or Director. (I guess I must have been on the Board the second time you were there, and may even have met you for a moment or something.) In any event, if you want a 7th case, our retirement is long down that road. Among other things, by now it is true that whoever-gets-up-first in the morning reads the paper listening avidly for the first signs of intelligent life stirring in the bedroom, to race in and have hugs and kisses for the new day. We haven't had an argument for years. The one downside for us in your account is that it ruins our long-standing sense that we are unique
in this regard. But that's all for the better.
A wonderful job!
What a wonderful letter! Thank you, Philip Converse, and congratulations on your long and sweet relationship. It is "unique" - it is the one and only relationship that you and your wife have shared for yea, these many years,
I was happy, too, to hear word of Bob Scott and the Center for advanced study in the behavioral sciences at Stanford. The Center was the place where I completed work on two of my books, and also lived in an intellectual paradise of sorts.
I never got on a volleyball team, and so I never made any enemies there! Maggie
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Thanks for your nice comment. Maggie S.
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