September 1, 2008
When I was interviewing older adult (fifty years plus) couples for my book September Songs, I never asked them about their sexual lives directly. The question I asked was "What do you think are the major sexual issues that emerge at this time of life?" The partners' responses were always specific to themselves and never came in the form of generalities. The mates simply launched into an open discussion of their own sexual relationships and the ways in which their sex lives had improved, stayed the same, diminished or ended completely. We talked about very personal matters, such as managing menopausal changes in the female partner and erectile and orgasmic changes in the male.
As these interviews progressed, I was gathering valuable information about sex in the older adult years. For example, couples like the Donaldsons and the Winstons whose sexual activities had slowed down, might have been concerned about this slowdown but were nevertheless basking in contented, close, deeply satisfying relationships. On the other hand the completely asexual Hamiltons, who were clearly devoted to one-another, taught me that a lack of genital sexual relationships in the marriages of people in their later years is not necessarily a tragic outcome. Actually, as reported recently in the New England Journal of Medicine, the results of a large scale study indicated that over one quarter of couples in their age-group (the early sixties) have not had intercourse within the previous year. Still, there were many other couples who reported that their sex life was the same, or in some cases, even better.(See the article cited above). I was deeply moved by the Sternbergs' description of the intimate sexual relationship that these mates continued to enjoy in the wake of Nancy's traumatic breast cancer operation.
All in all, though sex is a perennially interesting topic, I found myself unable to make a defining statement about sexuality in older adulthood - aside from the observation that it didn't appear to be as crucial as was real affection between the members of the pair.
Yeah - a very very well deserved excellent review in the NYT Sunday book section. I hope the author thinks so too. I could not have said it better myself - no really I could not!
"She’s a gifted and discreet interviewer" "Scarf’s crisp commentary or the interviews themselves (in which the participants come to palpable life)"
This looks like a "must give" book for the about to be married, the already married but looking to get out, the older married who know what it's all about.
Who would have thought that staying together beats the alternative (in most cases). Mazel Tov Maggie
Thanks for the very nice comment. It really was a nifty review, wasn't it?
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absolutely agree with the authour, in fact, science is organized knowledge and wisdom is organized life
nokiawad9981
Hello!
Very Interesting post! Thank you for such interesting resource!
PS: Sorry for my bad english, I'v just started to learn this language ;)
See you!
Your, Raiul Baztepo
Wicked! Just got a new BB Pearl and I can read your blog on my phone's browser, it didn't work on my old one.
This is an incredible post, I loved the information. Thank You!
I have to admit I don't always agree with you, but in this case you really hit the nail on the head. Long time reader, first time commenter.
This blog is really helpful for someone who has been having difficulties with this situation. I have looked at a number of resources to no avail. I will continue readingg and learning here in the hope of ultimately getting past this hindrance.
Great information in your posting, I saw a report on tv last week about this same thing and since I am getting married in two weeks and the timing couldn't have been better! thanks for the post!
Giving flowers is hardly a novel valentine tradition. Flowers have been used as a medium for expressing love since the late 1600s.
Good points…I would note that as someone who really doesn’t write on blogs much (in fact, this may be my first post), I don’t think the term “lurker” is very flattering to a non-posting reader. It’s not your fault in the least , but perhaps the blogosphere could come up with a better, non-creepy name for the 90% of us that enjoy just reading the content .
Well, I don’t know if that’s going to work for me, but definitely worked for you! :) Excellent post!
Well not quite what I was searching for nevertheless it was some good reading anyway, guess its a ok that I wasn't able to search properly or I wouldn't have found this.
The last time I checked, there was a lot of talk about this. Have you checked out youtube for the latest?
I will try to check this out. I am a technophobe. How do you do it?
When you open net, you are bombarded with millions of article. However, unfortunately most of them are just a piece of junk. It is difficult to even read first paragraph of such articles. However, this article is not like them. It contains quality content, which can bind you to finish till the last words.
I couldent agree more with the author on this one evem tho there are a few points I have diffrent outlooks on.
Now this is more along the lines, I was browsing another website and it totaly had miss information.
Wow, what a blog! I mean, you just have so much guts to go ahead and tell it like it is.
Wow, what a blog! I mean, you just have so much guts to go ahead and tell it like it is.
Couldnt be written any better. Reading this column reminds me of my old room mate! He always kept conversationregarding this. I'll forward this informative objectto him. Pretty sure he will have an excellent read. Gratitude 4 sharing!
I like your blog, Its nice to see not every body is just posting a mess of nonsense these days!
This entry was a good read! I couldn't have explained the topic better myself.
Great tips to follow. Being professional and showing them there's more to come I think are the most important. You need to give them a great article, that makes them want to come back. And then make sure you don't disappoint.
There have been so many responses to this particular entry. I think that older adults are crying for info on sex in the later years.
I will keep people posted as more studies emerge
Maggie
I recollect an old saying of my mother's. She said "Get yourself a great set of shoes and a great bed. You're always in one or the other."
Fantastic post thankyou. Look at all of these comments!
This article is just what i need, thank you.
Hey, nice website! I have seen it on Bing a day ago! I am very sure that I will come back in a few days to look for more new articles here.
I would love to see more entries here because i find it really interesting.
Read you soon! bye.